| "The Secret Life of Walter
Mitty," first published in 1941, is one of James
Thurber's most well-known and beloved stories. Its famous
protagonist holds a place in the cultural lexicon, meriting his own
entry in English-language dictionaries.
"We're going through!" The Commander's voice was like thin ice
breaking. He wore his full-dress uniform, with the heavily braided
white cap pulled down rakishly over one cold gray eye. "We can't
make it, sir. It's spoiling for a hurricane, if you ask me." "I'm
not asking you, Lieutenant Berg," said the Commander. "Throw on the
power lights! Rev her up to 8,500! We're going through!" The
pounding of the cylinders increased: ta-pocketa-pocketa-pocketa-pocketa-pocketa.
The Commander stared at the ice forming on the pilot window. He
walked over and twisted a row of complicated dials. "Switch on No. 8
auxiliary!" he shouted. "Switch on No. 8 auxiliary!" repeated
Lieutenant Berg. "Full strength in No. 3 turret!" shouted the
Commander. "Full strength in No. 3 turret!" The crew, bending to
their various tasks in the huge, hurtling eight-engined Navy
hydroplane, looked at each other and grinned. "The old man will get
us through" they said to one another. "The Old Man ain't afraid of
Hell!" . . .
"Not so fast! You're driving too fast!" said Mrs. Mitty. "What
are you driving so fast for?"
"Hmm?" said Walter Mitty. He looked at his wife, in the seat
beside him, with shocked astonishment. She seemed grossly
unfamiliar, like a strange woman who had yelled at him in a crowd.
"You were up to fifty-five," she said. "You know I don't like to go
more than forty. You were up to fifty-five." Walter Mitty drove on
toward Waterbury in silence, the roaring of the SN202 through the
worst storm in twenty years of Navy flying fading in the remote,
intimate airways of his mind.
"You're tensed up again," said Mrs. Mitty. "It's one of your
days. I wish you'd let Dr. Renshaw look you over."
Walter Mitty stopped the car in front of the building where his
wife went to have her hair done. "Remember to get those overshoes
while I'm having my hair done," she said. "I don't need overshoes,"
said Mitty. She put her mirror back into her bag. "We've been all
through that," she said, getting out of the car. "You're not a young
man any longer." He raced the engine a little. "Why don't you wear
your gloves? Have you lost your gloves?" Walter Mitty reached in a
pocket and brought out the gloves. He put them on, but after she had
turned and gone into the building and he had driven on to a red
light, he took them off again. "Pick it up, brother!" snapped a cop
as the light changed, and Mitty hastily pulled on his gloves and
lurched ahead. He drove around the streets aimlessly for a time, and
then he drove past the hospital on his way to the parking lot.
. . . "It's the millionaire banker, Wellington McMillan," said
the pretty nurse. "Yes?" said Walter Mitty, removing his gloves
slowly. "Who has the case?" "Dr. Renshaw and Dr. Benbow, but there
are two specialists here, Dr. Remington from New York and Mr.
Pritchard-Mitford from London. He flew over." A door opened down a
long, cool corridor and Dr. Renshaw came out. He looked distraught
and haggard. "Hello, Mitty," he said. "We're having the devil's own
time with McMillan, the millionaire banker and close personal friend
of Roosevelt. Obstreosis of the ductal tract. Tertiary. Wish you'd
take a look at him." "Glad to," said Mitty.
In the operating room there were whispered introductions: "Dr.
Remington, Dr. Mitty. Mr. Pritchard-Mitford, Dr. Mitty." "I've read
your book on streptothricosis," said Pritchard-Mitford, shaking
hands. "A brilliant performance, sir." "Thank you," said Walter
Mitty. "Didn't know you were in the States, Mitty," grumbled
Remington. "Coals to Newcastle, bringing Mitford and me up here for
a tertiary." "You are very kind," said Mitty. A huge, complicated
machine, connected to the operating table, with many tubes and
wires, began at this moment to go pocketa-pocketa-pocketa. "The new
anesthetizer is giving way!" shouted an intern. "There is no one in
the East who knows how to fix it!" "Quiet, man!" said Mitty, in a
low, cool voice. He sprang to the machine, which was going
pocketa-pocketa-queep-pocketa-queep. He began fingering delicately a
row of glistening dials. "Give me a fountain pen!" he snapped.
Someone handed him a fountain pen. He pulled a faulty piston out of
the machine and inserted the pen in its place. "That will hold for
ten minutes," he said. "Get on with the operation." A nurse hurried
over and whispered to Renshaw, and Mitty saw the man turn pale.
"Coreopsis has set in," said Renshaw nervously. "If you would take
over, Mitty?" Mitty looked at him and at the craven figure of Benbow,
who drank, and at the grave, uncertain faces of the two great
specialists. "If you wish," he said. They slipped a white gown on
him; he adjusted a mask and drew on thin gloves; nurses handed him
shining . . .
"Back it up, Mac! Look out for that Buick!" Walter Mitty jammed
on the brakes. "Wrong lane, Mac," said the parking-lot attendant,
looking at Mitty closely. "Gee. Yeh," muttered Mitty. He began
cautiously to back out of the lane marked "Exit Only." "Leave her
sit there," said the attendant. "I'll put her away." Mitty got out
of the car. "Hey, better leave the key." "Oh," said Mitty, handing
the man the ignition key. The attendant vaulted into the car, backed
it up with insolent skill, and put it where it belonged.
They're so damn cocky, thought Walter Mitty, walking along Main
Street; they think they know everything. Once he had tried to take
his chains off, outside New Milford, and he had got them wound
around the axles. A man had had to come out in a wrecking car and
unwind them, a young, grinning garageman. Since then Mrs. Mitty
always made him drive to the garage to have the chains taken off.
The next time, he thought, I'll wear my right arm in a sling; they
won't grin at me then. I'll have my right arm in a sling and they'll
see I couldn't possibly take the chains off myself. He kicked at the
slush on the sidewalk. "Overshoes," he said to himself, and he began
looking for a shoe store.
When he came out into the street again, with the overshoes in a
box under his arm, Walter Mitty began to wonder what the other thing
was his wife had told him to get. She had told him, twice, before
they set out from their house for Waterbury. In a way he hated these
weekly trips to town-he was always getting something wrong. Kleenex,
he thought, Squibb's, razor blades? No. Toothpaste, toothbrush,
bicarbonate, cardorundum, initiative and referendum? He gave it up.
But she would remember it. "Where's the what's-its-name," she would
ask. "Don't tell me you forgot the what's-its-name." A newsboy went
by shouting something about the Waterbury trial.
. . . "Perhaps this will refresh your memory." The District
Attorney suddenly thrust a heavy automatic at the quiet figure on
the witness stand. "Have you ever seen this before?" Walter Mitty
took the gun and examined it expertly. "This is my Webley-Vickers
50.80," he said calmly. An excited buzz ran around the courtroom.
The Judge rapped for order. "You are a crack shot with any sort of
firearms, I believe?" said the District Attorney, insinuatingly.
"Objection!" shouted Mitty's attorney. "We have shown that the
defendant could not have fired the shot. We have shown that he wore
his right arm in a sling on the night of the fourteenth of July."
Walter Mitty raised his hand briefly and the bickering attorneys
were stilled. "With any known make of gun," he said evenly, "I could
have killed Gregory Fitzhurst at three hundred feet with my left
hand." Pandemonium broke loose in the courtroom. A woman's scream
rose above the bedlam and suddenly a lovely, dark-haired girl was in
Walter Mitty's arms. The District Attorney struck at her savagely.
Without rising from his chair, Mitty let the man have it on the
point of the chin. "You miserable cur!" . . .
"Puppy biscuit," said Walter Mitty. He stopped walking and the
buildings of Waterbury rose up out of the misty courtroom and
surrounded him again. A woman who was passing laughed. "He said
'Puppy biscuit'," she said to her companion. "That man said 'Puppy
biscuit' to himself." Walter Mitty hurried on. He went into an A&P,
not the first one he came to but a smaller one farther up the
street. "I want some biscuit for small, young dogs," he said to the
clerk. "Any special brand, sir?" The greatest pistol shot in the
world thought a moment. "It says 'Puppies Bark for It' on the box,"
said Walter Mitty.
His wife would be through at the hairdresser's in fifteen
minutes, Mitty saw in looking at his watch, unless they had trouble
drying it; sometimes they had trouble drying it. She didn't like to
get to the hotel first; she would want him to be there waiting for
her as usual. He found a big leather chair in the lobby, facing a
window, and he put the overshoes and the puppy biscuit on the floor
beside it. He picked up an old copy of Liberty and sank down
into the chair. "Can Germany Conquer the World Through the Air?"
Walter Mitty looked at the pictures of bombing planes and of ruined
streets.
. . . "The cannonading has got the wind up in young Raleigh,
sir," said the sergeant. Captain Mitty looked up at him through
tousled hair. "Get him to bed," he said wearily. "With the others.
I'll fly alone." "But you can't, sir," said the sergeant anxiously.
"It takes two men to handle that bomber and the Archies are pounding
hell out of the air. Von Richtman's circus is between here and
Saulier." "Somebody's got to get that ammunition dump," said Mitty.
"I'm going over. Spot of brandy?" He poured a drink for the sergeant
and one for himself. War thundered and whined around the dugout and
battered at the door. There was a rending of wood and splinters flew
through the room. "A bit of a near thing," said Captain Mitty
carelessly. "The box barrage is closing in," said the sergeant. "We
only live once, Sergeant," said Mitty with his faint, fleeting
smile. "Or do we?" He poured another brandy and tossed it off. "I
never see a man could hold his brandy like you, sir," said the
sergeant. "Begging your pardon, sir." Captain Mitty stood up and
strapped on his huge Webley-Vickers automatic. "It's forty
kilometers through hell, sir," said the sergeant. Mitty finished one
last brandy. "After all," he said softly, "what isn't?" The pounding
of the cannon increased; there was the rat-tat-tatting of machine
guns, and from somewhere came the menacing pocketa-pocketa-pocketa
of the new flame-throwers. Walter Mitty walked to the door of the
dugout humming "AuprĖs de Ma Blonde." He turned and waved to the
sergeant. "Cheerio!" he said. . .
Something struck his shoulder. "I've been looking all over this
hotel for you," said Mrs. Mitty. "Why do you have to hide in this
old chair? How did you expect me to find you?" "Things close in,"
said Walter Mitty vaguely. "What?" Mrs. Mitty said. "Did you get the
what's-its-name? The puppy biscuit? What's in that box?"
"Overshoes," said Mitty. "Couldn't you have put them on in the
store?" "I was thinking," said Walter Mitty. "Does it ever occur to
you that I am sometimes thinking?" She looked at him. "I'm going to
take your temperature when I get you home," she said.
They went out through the revolving doors that made a faintly
derisive whistling sound when you pushed them. It was two blocks to
the parking lot. At the drugstore on the corner she said, "Wait here
for me. I forgot something. I won't be a minute." She was more than
a minute. Walter Mitty lighted a cigarette. It began to rain, rain
with sleet in it. He stood up against the wall of the drugstore,
smoking . . . He put his shoulders back and his heels together. "To
hell with the handkerchief," said Walter Mitty scornfully. He took
one last drag on his cigarette and snapped it away. Then, with that
faint, fleeting smile playing about his lips, he faced the firing
squad; erect and motionless, proud and disdainful, Walter Mitty the
Undefeated, inscrutable to the last.
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